You Can Do It!

The Art of Forgiveness

2011-06-17T23:22:00.000-07:00

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." - Mahatma Ghandi

We must learn to Forgive. Truly we must.

I was with a Pastor friend recently, and he talked to me about Forgiveness, a concept that I also speak to people about, know alot about, and make a concerted effort to practice, or so I thought...

However, after the conversation with him, I knew that he had been inspired not only to pass on a message to me, but to further enlighten me on a necessary topic that is so fundamental to our Growth.

We are told to "Forgive...AND Forget." Many of us say; "I have forgiven him/her, but I will NEVER forget what he/she did to me!" And here in is the crux of the matter. The heart of Forgiveness lies in the "Forgetting". I know I forgive easily, but I would be lying if I say I forget. In fact "forgetting" is actually the hardest part. (Maybe this post should be titled "The Art of Forgetting"...)

"The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget." - Thomas Szasz

Which category do we fall into? I know until a few years ago, I was one of "The Stupid". And before talking to the Man of God the other day, I was one of "The Wise" (and proud of it) according to Thomas Szasz's quote. But now, I strive to become one of "The Naive", and this is the "most humongous" (as my children will say) challenge of all. As I mention children, it unwittingly comes to me that indeed they are the most naive of all!

"I tell you the truth, unless you change and Become like little children, you will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven." - this Bible chapter comes to my mind as I type. I think it is to be found in the Book of Matthew.

So if we cannot enter the Kingdom except we are naive (like children), then by implication we cannot truly forgive except we forget. It IS that simple.

Now you all want to ask me "how does one forget?", and I will be reminding you here that it is also new to me, so I cannot readily answer. But, I do know there are several things I DO forget...

I forget my passwords ALL the time. I forget my ATM code. I forget my bank account numbers (I never know them in the first place). I forget names of people from the past (mostly those I didn't interact with). There is no limit to the things I forget. Why do I forget these things? And why do I not "Forget" even while "Forgiving" (supposedly) those who have seemingly wronged me.

I realize that I forget the things I do either because I have so many other "more important" things on my mind, or because so much time has passed that it has been erased from my memory.

Eureka! As I say this the answer comes! To forget does not mean to "not remember", it means to put in the back of our memory. To not keep in the forefront. This means not talking about it ever again to anyone (we all know repition reinforces), and after a while it stays there.

To forget would mean to me now, as I think about it, filling my mind with other thoughts. Thoughts that Uplift and Enlighten and not thoughts that will hold one down or keep one attached to the subject of one's attention.

"Holding on to anger (not forgiving) is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned." - Buddha

All of a sudden this quote takes on an even deeper meaning. Now I see that what the Pastor said is Truth, for one who has forgiven and who is sincerely struggling to forget (i.e to put it away), will not talk about the incidents nor the people involved to any other. They will only commune with their God, and He alone is it who can Heal the hurting, Comfort those in despair and Forgive us our own sins.

Yes! That is right! We pray, fast and beg God for unconditional Forgiveness! If He were to hold on to it like "The Wise" in Thomas Szasz's quote, where would that leave us? We must not "Forget" this!

Thus, as I struggle to absorb this Truth, and Live it, I leave you with my favorite Psalm (121):

"I will lift up my eyes to the hills-
From whence comes my help?
My Help comes from The Lord
Who made heaven and earth.

He will not allow your foot to Be moved;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, He who keeps Israel
Shall neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord is your keeper;
The Lord is your shade at your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day,
Nor the moon by night.

The Lord shall preserve you from all evil;
He shall preserve your soul.
The Lord shall preserve your going out and coming in
From this time forth, and even forever more."

Salam. Be Blessed.xx

"Choose the path that leads to Wisdom"

2010-12-04T22:54:00.000-08:00

I love Einstein when he says; "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." At a first glance it seems like a very obvious statement, for why would you keep doing the same thing, day in - day out, and expect things to turn out differently? Except of course if you are banking on other factors in the equation to change....

Too many times we expend all our energy complaining about other people's behaviours, the things they do or do not do, the way they disrespect or disregard us, the things they say or do not say. We want to change them, for by our calculations we are bordering on perfection. We are almost 100%!

The Mahatma, Gandhi said; "Be the change you want to see in the world...." How can I change the whole wide world, you wonder, by just changing myself? The answer to this is - just change YOUR world. Change the way YOU do things. Change YOUR actions and reactions.

Unfortunately or fortunately, it depends on how you look at it, change is one of the most difficult things to put into effect, especially for the male of the human species lol! Yet change we must if we are to acheive our dreams, our ideals, our God given talents and aspirations.

I was prvileged to be given the opportunity to speak with a couple recently who were experiencing some personal and emotional challenges. The woman had been bullied into believing that there was a serious need to change her ways if their marriage was to survive. So, what did she do? She read everything she could on Change! She prayed. Fasted. Meditated. Contemplated. And guess what? The more she did these things, the deeper and more reflective she became. She came to the eternal realization that change MUST begin from within, and then and only then will it begin radiate outwardly.

I know you all are figuring that by the time we were having our 'little' talk everything was lovey-dovey with this couple, right? Wrong! Absolutely the opposite. Apparently, things had never been so bad! But why? Because, her partner, who was the initial proponent of the need for her to change, had stayed exactly the same! In fact, he obstinately insisted that he, the god, was going to continue to do things exactly as he had done them before! Remember Einstein's definition of insanity lol!

Was he 'insane' or what? I say maybe! At least a little bit! (though he insisted his wife was the crazy one!) We were however thankfully able to identify the underlying challenge in their relationship (thank God he was a willing partner, and really wanted to make things work!). We traced the root of the problem to his need to control things. He let us know that he had had a stressful childhood, and was never expected to succeed by his family. We discovered that he never believed his wife loved him for himself, but only for what he could provide for her. This guy had some serious issues! But then who of us does not? Believe it or not we managed to sort out a few things! Not as many as we would have liked to make immediate changes, but enough to throw him into a state of self-reflection, which hopefully will lead him to illumination over time.

Control...what is it? And why do many otherwise spirtually endowed people feel the need to control others and situations? Control basically stems from a lack of knowledge of one's true self and nature. Control is closely related to feelings of inferiority and a lack of true confidence. When we identify our selves with our possessions and positions, we live in a state of perpetual fear (though often masked as courage) of what will happen if we lose these things. Thus we feel the need to bring things under our 'command', to be 'in charge', to assert ourselves even when we are in the wrong (or should we say 'the not so right!).

We should and indeed must strive to take control of our lives, but not of the lives of others too. That is cheating. You want to live through not only yourself, but through others too! It is a form of greed.

O Man! What creatures we are! I am sure God 'looks' upon us constantly with a smile.

Deepak Chopra (I'm quoting all my people today!) says; "If you want to reach a state of bliss, then go beyond your ego and the internal dialogue. Make a desicion to relinquish the need to control, the need to be approved, and the need to judge..."

Finally; Be nice. Be considerate. Do to others what you would want done to you. Don't take people's good nature for granted. Don't make people feel bad just for the fun of it. Trust. Believe. Have Faith. Be Loyal. Be True. Be gentle. Be supportive. Love and be loved back in return. And do not play with people's hearts.

There is nothing wrong with most people that a little love will not fix.

Let us "BE the change we want to see in the World."

It's going to be alright. Together we can do this...

I love you.

Salam. Namaste.xx

"One Monkey Can't Stop The Show..."

2010-11-01T12:03:00.000-07:00

I am either happy or not so happy, there is no middle ground.

Some people are lucky. They can enjoy blissful, even moments for long periods of time. Not so me...

I am either very excited or almost moribound...

I either believe in you or I don't.

I love or dislike....not a good thing I know, but that's the way it is.

I eat alot of the stuff I like until I get so sick of it that I never want to see it again. The same goes for what I drink...

I give people a lot of credit or none at all...but I get really disillushioned when they 'disappoint' me.

I laugh or I cry. I don't have those average "just feeling satisfied moments", though I wish I did or could?

Remember I couldn't get into this blog....

Then Eureka! The password and all the other 'stuff' just came rushing back into my memory without any effort...

I guess that means it's time to write again...

So what's with "the monkey?", and what "show is it not stopping"

The 'monkey" is/are, all those people that do not or cannot (if they tried)understand you.

"The monkey" is/are, all those who have to listen to what others say, before they/them (or he/she) can make a desicion...

Shame on them!

And guess what "the show" is...

Yep!!!! You got it right...

"The show" is LIFE itself!

So read between (or just read the lines lol!)...

And it goes like this; Do not let ANYBODY, man or woman, and their 'opinions' dictate the way your life should be!

If I was given to more explicit language (publicly lol), I would tell YOU where to tell THEM to go!!!

Good luck guys! You need it!

And remember; YOU can do this!(with or without them!)

You CAN Do This!

To all those who rely on others opinions; Thanks for the inspiration!

Thanks for keeping us motivated!

I love you!xx

Shade!

A Little Prayer....

2010-01-31T08:32:00.000-08:00

He said he wanted to pray for me, so we all stood up. He said it was a very special prayer, so we shut our eyes tight in anticipation. He was younger than me. His name was Shedrach...

It was about seven years ago. I had been invited by a friend called Femi O. to co-conduct a training session of some church ( believe it or not!!) volunteers, or at least that's what I recall they were, though they were all professionals in their own right. The training took place at the mainland office of a well known Pastor, who is also an accountant. I can't remember the exact topic, but I think it had to do with Time Management or Organizational Skills. I remember their suprise on finding out that the second of the two trainers was not only a woman, but also not of the faith. And so this shock, which was followed by deep suspicion, and slight resentment, set the pace for the two day training.

I knew from Day 1, that my work was cut out for me, when my first direct challenger, Shedrach, asked how I, a non-Christian, could expect to teach anything to pious 'helpers' such as themselves. But, not being one to scare easily, I charmingly ( or so I thought ), explained that the topics at hand had no religious coloration, and were neutral, and applicable to anybody irrespective of faith.

And so we began. I remember during our first coffee break, Femi winking at me, to reassure me that he figured I was making progress...not on the topic alone, but at breaking down the barriers and reducing the suspicion. They seemed to be particularly impressed by my knowledge of the Bible, which I quoted, when applicable to put them at ease.

By Day 2, I had them where I wanted them, by the special Grace of God. I remember coming in with alot of sweets and chocolates to 'bribe' them into relaxing, as this was my main day with them. This 'habit' of disarming the trainees, is something I learnt in the Junior Chamber, a Worldwide Leadership Training Organization, also called Jaycees, of which I was President of the oldest chapter in Africa, Lagos Metro, at that particular time. And believe me it hardly ever fails!

Anyway, Day 2 was a fantastic day! As my niece Bahijja would say, 'I was in character!' It was flowing, they were with me, Femi was happy, I was happy, and Shedrach, well Shedrach for the most part was....silent? And I must admit, because we were such a small group ( 10 or 12, I think ), I was kind of worried.

I remember, I kept checking on him from the corner of my eye, and kept trying to pull him in, but he remained pretty reserved. So, I just figured " you win some, lose some ", and proceeded to round up the session. When we had finally finished, being Africans first and foremost, Femi suggested we end the training, with a prayer from one of the participants. It was then that Shedrach, before anyone could volunteer, requested to give the closing prayer. Oh oh, I thought, now I was in for it. He was, I was sure going to pray for me to be 'saved', and use the opportunity to express his displeasure at having to spend two days with one such as myself...

So, we all stood up, Femi and I were at the front of the room, and as we were about to close our eyes, he asked if he could come and stand close to me, as he wanted to specifically pray for me....and so we bowed our heads...and Shedrach prayed. Shedrach prayed a prayer, the like of which up till today I haven't heard before...and I don't think I will ever forget the essence of that prayer.

He raised his hands above my head and said...." Dear God, may this woman you sent to us die empty." Everybody opened their eyes and looked up shocked! I didn't know what to say. Then, noticing the effect he had had, he started again, but this time mentioning my name! He said; "Dear God, may Shade Biggar die empty..." there was total silence, then he continued... " may You keep her and us, until we are empty of all the Inspiration, Motivation and Knowledge, You have filled us with, to share with others..." and on and on Shedrach prayed, and prayed and prayed. After the prayer, he gave me a big, big hug, and explained to me the reason for his silence. He said, prior to our two days 'together' he had had such a bias against anyone who was not of the same religious persuasion as himself, and as such he never took the time out to listen to them speak. He said, he was so overwhelmed by the way I was able to interact with them, and them with me, that he was at a loss for words. Shedrach also said that the prayer he prayed for me was a blessing. That insha Allah, the more I shared, the more I would make space for more inspiration, continuosly filling me up, while I continuosly emptied these messages, in essence it was a prayer for a long life, full of giving and recieving. Do I hear an Amen!! After the training, Shedrach called me from time to time to say hello, but I haven't spoken to him for some years! Infact I should google him, finding him shouldn't be too difficult, afterall how many young Nigerian men are called Shedrach!!!

And here lies the lesson in this story...many of us today are walking around 'Full'. Full of Knowledge, full of Wisdom, Full of Inspiration, Full of Talent and more sadly, Full of Love. When are we going to empty it? What are we hoarding it for? What are we waiting for? We need to use these gifts that God has bestowed on us. We need to use them NOW, because the truth is God WILL take us back unto Him whenever He deems it fit, and woe unto us, if we are recalled 'Full'.

The ironic thing is that it is only through giving that we can recieve. The more we bless others, the more we are blessed. Some people utilize their God given talent and more, to such an extent that when they do depart this earth you know that they fulfilled their mission...I don't know why Michael Jackson comes to my mind...We must determine to Mentor, to Share to Love, and Love, and Love again, if need be. Life is so short. We are here today and gone tomorrow.

The transient nature of Life was brought home hard to me on December 8th, when I was told that my father, whom I had spoken with just about 12 hours before, who prayed for me that day, before he boarded a plane from Istanbul to Lagos, on his way home from successfully completing his Hajj, ( just the way Shedrach had prayed for me several years earlier ), had passed on in his sleep, at his home, in Abeokuta...we can only thank God that he ( Dad ), had emptied himself. Emptied himself of all the Wisdom, Experience, Prayer, Dedication and Love that he had in him. May it be the same for all of us.

" When A Dying Man Cries,It Is Not Because Of Where He Is Going, Which He Knows Nothing About, But Of What He Wishes He Had Done In The World He Is Leaving Behind." - Nigerian Proverb

We Can Do This! Really we can! We can maximize our Potentials. Utilize our Talents. And Live, really Live, the life of our dreams!!! I am determined to try! How about YOU...

You CAN Do It!

" Obey Your Thirst "

2009-10-18T02:17:00.000-07:00

Green, green, green....green everywhere! We were, it seemed, in the middle of nowhere. There was no sign of human life as far as the eye could see. As we made our way steadily up the steep, quiet and lonely road, my whole body was on alert. I waited with nervous expectation for 'it' to jump out of the 'wilderness' again, into our faces. And yes, just as we had anticipated, there it was...

The Sprite billboard loomed larger than life; " Obey Your Thirst ", it said, and attached below was a sign indicating that the fuel station that we were trying to get to was now only 2km away. I heaved a sigh of relief, as I realized that we could make it there, if we just pressed on....

We had left home that morning, on a family trip into the hinterland of Benin. Everyone had told us how picturesque the route was, how serene and quiet, and also how at one point there were no settlements for several kilometres. So being the master organizer that I am, I had, as usual, overloaded the car with all sorts of contingencies for our trip. Everybody was in charge of one aspect or the other. Stuff to eat on the journey ( Mummy ), our first son; binoculars, camera, and of course Gameboys ( or whatever they're called ), and someone who shall remain nameless was to bring the drinking water!

It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining, everywhere looked so green...it was also very hot. After driving for about forty minutes, we came to a point where there was a little traffic. I remember looking to my right and seeing this huge Sprite billboard, with the green bottle open, and all those little moist beads of water, well you all know what I mean, and the words " Obey Your Thirst ", I also remember thinking how nice the green bottle looked against the scenery and so on!

Another few kilometres, and another billboard! At this point, we were in a less inhabited area, and unknown to me our passengers in the back ( the children!! )were also noticing these billboards! After a while, I felt the dreaded tap on my shoulder, and then my seven year old daughter said...." Mummy, I....", Oh oh I thought, were are we going to find a bathroom here???

She tapped me again...." Mummy " she said, " I'm thirsty....I want a SPRITE!!!" Me too chorused the other two, it was then I realized that I also was craving a cold Sprite! We looked around us, there was nothing in sight, so despite their disquiet and discontent, which was becoming a little short of a mutiny, we pulled over to have a drink of water. But, guess what...that person, whom we previously agreed would remain unnamed, had forgotten to put the water in the car! Hmmmmm....

Left with no choice, we decided to drive on, literally following the billboards, until we could get to the station a few kilometres down the road, which we eventually did! On getting there, I asked everbody what they wanted to drink, and despite being a bunch of Coca Cola addicts, everbody wanted to drink Sprite!!! This got me thinking...Why? Why did everbody want a Sprite, not a Coke, not a Pamplemousse, not a Fanta, but a Sprite? Why Sprite?????

In 1957, James Vicary announced the results of an amazing six week experiment conducted in a New Jersey cinema. The words " Eat Popcorn " and " Drink Coke " were flashed several times on the movie screen, and the result was that the sales of both Coke and popcorn went up by almost 20% and 60% respectively! One does not have to be a rocket scientist to realize that this use of repititive, in your face messaging was and still is what is responsible for the success of modern day advertising techniques!

It stands to reason therefore, that we also can employ the use of repetitive, constant, positive messages, to increase our self belief, our self worth, and our ability to succeed! These messages are now popularly called Affirmations. They are powerful thought patterns that are proven to help you acheive anything you want! Many sports figures, politicians, successful business people and entertainers use affirmations to remove limiting thoughts, doubt and fear, and replace them with constant, high powered, mega charged messages!

Affirmations should be used to support your Dreams, Goals and Aspirations! They are statements, which when repeated first thing in the morning, last thing at night, and SEVERAL times in between, programme your subconcious mind and keeps you focused on what you want! Stick them all over the place! By the bathroom mirror, beside your bed, in the kitchen, by your dashboard, tattoo it on your person, if you're so inclined!

Jack Canfield and Mark Hansen suggest that personal affirmations should:
1. Be in the first person ( " I " )
2. Be in the present tense ( " AM " )
3. Include an emotional word ( e.g " PROUDLY " )
4. Include a verb ( " RUNNING " )
5. Be short ( " MY OWN BUSINESS " )

" I AM PROUDLY RUNNING MY OWN BUSINESS!"

However, affirmations can also be expressed as short, three or four word statements, e.g " I CAN DO IT!", " I AM WEALTHY!", " I AM BEAUTIFUL!" etc. Affirmations can also be an expression of gratitude, for an anticipated or expected future outcome, result or situation..." I THANK GOD FOR MY BEAUTIFUL HOME IN MALIBU!", " I GIVE THANKS FOR MY MULTIPLE STREAMS OF INCOME!", " I AM GRATEFUL FOR MY PERFECT HEALTH AND BEAUTIFUL LOOKS!" Or, they could be a combination of different styles: " I AM THANKFUL FOR MY $1,000.000 INCOME, WHICH I INTELLIGENTLY INVEST!!!"

Remember Obama's collective popular affirmation: " Yes We Can!"...look what happened!
Take the time to create affirmations in all the key areas of your life TODAY! Let them become personal and daily mantras! Repeat them over and over again, and unconciously you will find yourself changing your behaviour and thinking in line with these positive messages, which in turn will attract that which YOU want to YOU!

As we stood by the car, 'obeying our thirst', I couldn't help but marvel at the effectiveness of repitition on the mind! Repeat these words out loud...

" I AM SUCCESSFULLY LIVING THE LIFE OF MY DREAMS!"

" I CAN DO IT!"

" I CAN DO IT!"

" I AM PROGESSIVELY AND ASSUREDLY DOING IT!"

Good Luck!

Whistler's Law

2009-08-08T20:24:00.001-07:00

Call it Black Magic...call it Juju, if you like...Obeah...Voodoo, or as it's more recently called, in Nigeria, and they should know, lol...call it Jazz!

I have encountered alot of ' witches ' in my life time...believe me this is true! But, the first percieved witch I had to deal with, and try and fob off, lived in our house when I was very young! As a matter of fact, I can't remember a time she wasn't there, and by the special grace of God, she....NO...she wasn't burned at the stake, but, by the special grace of God, she is still with us...my Mom!!

I was so sure my mother was a witch, when I was very young, I am still young, so maybe I should say, when I was younger! Anyway, the story of my torture, goes like this; I hated vegetables, like most children do. But, unfortunately for me, in our family, back in the day, when men were men ( and they still are!! ), I had some weird sisters, three to be precise, whom I still have, again by the special grace of God. Anyway, they liked vegetables, or pretended to...pretty, much like my seven year old daughter, Khadija, who just loves salads, much to the horror of her two brothers, because it puts them under pressure to have to eat some! Although, I must commend Majid, who is a month short of seventeen, for begining to nibble on some lettuce, because he says; it's going to give him access to a certain type of girl! He figures that teenage versions of babes like; Rihanna, and Beyonce, will not exactly be eating fufu, so he needs to get with it! Anyway, back to Mom and the torture she put me through!

Because, she is from another part of the world ( we used to think she was from another planet! ), Trinidad to be precise, we didn't get alot of the Nigerian food, we used to crave...I even remember that I used to go and eat with our neighbor's stewards family, in their boys quarters, but don't tell my Mom I told you this! Ok, where was I, before I digress ? Yes, veggies! I tried to tell Mom, that I could do stuff like okro and egusi, but that the lettuce and avocado, didn't work for me. But, what would she do... she would force my mouth open, shove it in, and short of working my jaws with her hand, she'd make me eat it! She is sooOoo lucky, that we were totally uninformed in those days, and there was no cable, and mobile phones, or I would have called for them to come and take her away...as if, even in 2009, in Nigeria, they would respond to a seven year old!

Years later, Trinidad 1985 to be precise. We were living in Diego Martin, Port of Spain during this time. I had grown nicely, or at least I ( the emphasis is on the I ), thought so, and at that age nobody else counts! Guess what tree we would have growing in our little garden at the back of the house? Yep! Avocado! I still hated it, in fact to be honest I had never eaten it before. It was the one thing I was adamant that I would never, Ever, EVER, touch! And I didn't! Then I grew, even more nice... lol! This now being not my own opinion, but the opinion of others lol! And I got married! And, guess what was my husband's favorite vegetable....avocado!

Now, I believe that there are no coincidences in life, and so it was obvious to me that this particular vegetable or whatever you prefer to call it, was destined to figure in my life! So four years ago, for the first time in my life, I ate an avocado salad....and I just loved it! Since then I eat it at least three times in a week! Not only does it taste good with tuna, tomato, cucumber and onions...it also lowers your cholestorol levels!

So...Shade...big deal! Ok, I know, it seems like, ( I actually am ), rambling! What's the point??? There's no point! Must there always be one! Well, maybe just a little lesson to be learned here, but if you actually think of it, maybe quite a few! And yes I know, I use alot of exclamation marks ( ! ), but isn't life just so exciting!

If I tell you I didn't start off this post with the intention of writing about avocado, you probably would not believe, except if you know me personally, because if you do, you would know that despite the fact that ' technically ' ( Majid's favorite term ), I am a master planner, I plan for the long term, but allow the shorter term to take care of itself. Maybe that's what I should write about - technicalities or long lerm versus short term planning! You all are thinking, you mean she isn't about to wrap this up! So, let's do it like this; if you are bored go and do something else, if not, the real story starts here!

Where was I? Now I remember, ( that sounds like Millie Jackson, I wonder if she's related to Michael...she's also an MJ! ), the real story, talk about being distracted! Here goes: I have agreed to ride from Cotonou to Accra, on motorbike, with my husband Tom and my son Majid next April. Please note: not as a ' passenger ', but on my own bike...No big deal you say, especially for those who know Tom, he has ridden from Abidjan to wherever and back! For those who know Majid...well, he too would do something like that! But, for those who know me...it's stranger than...avocado lol!
And here's why:-

1. I have never ridden a motorbike. I am a frequent passenger...Agreed. I am one of the best female drivers in West Africa...Fact. I can ride a bicycle to Kutuwengi...Fallacy, ( technically, I can cycle, but not to Kutuwengi, simply because I'm not sure if such a place exsists! ). Thus, I am a bit worried about this voyage or escapade I have agreed to embark on!

2. I have some deep seated fears, which I push myself to overcome, and riding a motorbike is one of them. And I am very serious here. Let me just tell you a few of what my fears were or are, if you prefer, considering they may never actually go away, but they have kind of been brought under control.

a. Marriage - I was so sure it would be a stress, and it is! But positively so! That's why I had to do it so soon after meeting Tom, or I would never have done it...
Lesson one: Do not think too deep...Just Do It! ( Especially marriage lol!)

b. Driving on a long, dark, lonely, Nigerian expressway alone ( with no street lights and the possibility of ALL sorts ). I did that two years ago. I deliberately set out for Cotonou from Lagos in the dark, and I was scared as hell. My thinking always is, what if there was an emergency, and I HAD to do this thing? I believe that he subconcious knowledge that it's been done before, sort of like a trail run, allows you to function better in such a situation.
Lesson two: Do those things that you fear the most and liberate yourself.

c. Driving through deep water, alone. Hmmm...you wouldn't believe this, but this is my worst nightmare. I think it comes from a childhood memory of our car being stuck in a puddle of water, when we were younger, and the driver, Mr. Odebiyi, I think, imagine I can still remember his name, threatening to drop me in it, as he carried us from the car to ' dry land ' lol.
Well, this June, it rained so hard for three days in Cotonou, and living near the beach means the storms break by us first, there's more water, and the way out is all sandy!
The short of it is, we were marooned in, Tom was in Ghana, and I was craving chocolate ice cream so badly, like I always do when it's cold! So Majid, my buddy, said, ' Mummy this is a good time to overcome those fears ' ( note he really was only interested in the ice cream )! And I told him, ' Majid, I can't, I'm scared. What if my car get's stuck, do I climb out of the window on to the roof, and then some stranger will carry me through the water ( hopefully ), and probably drop me in it? ' Then Majid explained to me that ' technically ' I couldn't get stuck, because the water was only about knee deep, and that my car was higher than that, and that it was a four wheel drive and as such would not stop once I kept accelerating gently, and that because of the position of the sump of the Mercedes, water couldn't get in the engine, and that...and that...and on and on...I was very, very, impressed with him... but I was still scared!
However, I went, I saw and I conquered! And I'm still scared at the thought, but I could do it over and over again if I had to!
Lesson three: ' Technically ' speaking, most of our fears are baseless, that is they are not founded in reality or fact, and yet they are so strong, they prevent us from doing things we CAN do! Remember the AVOCADO!

d. Cockroaches and mice: This one I have not yet been able to overcome, but I'm working on it lol!
Lesson four: Some fears just never go away, and cannot be overcome, but it doesn't matter!

3. I believe practice makes perfect, and knowledge is power! Suffice it to say, that I am just about to start my motorbike lessons. Tom has explained all the technicalities to me; ' once you ride a bicycle, you can ride a bike...it's actually safer than a car??...your awareness is heightened...your higab will blow in your face and cause you to crash if you try to wear it, Shade... trousers are better than a flowing jallabiya...and most of all it will be fun! '

We need to take charge of our lives. Our destiny lies in our own hands. We must overcome those things that hold us back, those things that hinder us. Success is just round the corner, indeed it is upon us, if we would only act. We cannot keep doing things the same way, if we want different results. We must remember that it's never too late to learn something new. We must strive to be happy. It's one life to live, and indeed the second half of life goes faster than the first.

Whistler's Law states; " You Never Know Who Is Right, But You Always Know Who Is In Charge! "

Get in the driver's seat of your life today! Fear is the only thing holding you back! Fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of ridicule, even the fear of fear itself! Don't let them fool you, YOU are your own judge! Other people's opinions DO NOT count! Break down all barriers in your way, remove all obstacles! Affirm NOW... ' I AM IN CHARGE OF MY LIFE! '

' No One Knows Caution Like Regret. ' - Kenya

' You CAN Do It! '

' In The Red Corner, Weighing In At......'

2009-06-14T01:37:00.000-07:00

As he bent down to pick me up, I looked into his 'sexy' brown eyes, he inhaled deeply, and I closed my eyes in anticipation....this was a moment I had only ever dreamed of, and it was about to happen, but I never thought it would be like this!

I remember that period in my life as if it was yesterday! I was seventeen, in school in North Wales, frisky, popular and.......very much over weight at 97kg! Indeed I was the ' biggest ' girl in school at the time. This was pretty strange considering the fact that when I was in The American International School in Lagos, I was one of the skinniest in my class, very athletic, and a very fussy eater!

Anyway, here I was on this beautiful, spring, Welsh Sunday, looking into the eyes of a guy we ALL fancied! He was tall, lanky, had brown curly shoulder length hair, and a beautiful tan, and he worked for the school. So why would he choose me???

He didn't Lol! And ( in school they always said don't start a sentence with 'And', but I do it all the time!), before curiousity gets the better of you, let me give you the whole scenario!! We used to play Squash,( Ronke, Feyi and I ), Sunday was a ' free ' day, so we would go to the court in school and muck around! On this day in question, one of us, who shall remain nameless lol, decided that we should see if we could jump from the top of the squash court down! She went first, and landed beautifully on her two feet, laughing! I was next....

Weighing in at 97kg, I sat on the upper beam, held my breath, and jumped! I landed on my two feet, and laughed for a few seconds....beore I felt the most incredible pain in my left leg just before it gave way! I couldn't move! Any attempt to get up sent shock waves up my entire body. Ronke and Feyi, very worried at this point, ran for help! Luckily, ( depending how you look at it ) my ' beau ' was on duty, and came running to my rescue!

But, ( another word we were told not to use at the begining of a sentence!) when he tried to lift me up, I was too heavy for him to carry, so he ran to get someone else to assist him. He came back with another guy, and a wheelbarrow....guess what for?

So, here I was, eyes closed, in anticipation....no, not of a first kiss! but in anticipation of the pain I would feel when they managed to pick me up, and dump me in the wheelbarrow, so they could push me about 500 metres to the school clinic! Talk about an undignified and embarrassing encounter with your ' heart throb!' To cut a long story short, I tore a couple of ligaments in my leg, was unable to walk for six weeks, and now supposedly suffer from osteoathritis as a result....please note the ' supposedly '!( That is another day's topic!!)

So, what is this all about? It is about self esteem, it is about being what you want to be, it is about self will and determination, it is about the fact that the only person that can do anything about you is YOU!

A couple of years later, I was in Nigeria on holiday, walking with my father on the Marina, on our way to the bank, when a bosom buddy of mine from secondary school walked straight past me without saying a word! I had seen her coming, and was already gearing up in anticipation of hugging, laughing and catching up ( if my Pop would spare a few minutes!) I grabbed her from the back, calling out her name, as I realized she hadn't ' seen ' me! She turned and looked at me puzzled, then recognition slowly came into her eyes, as she screamed " ShaAAade!!" and hugged me!!!

Weighing in on that day, at 62kg ( I will never forget my weight during that period, because I was constantly asked by old friends!), I was looking good, and knew it! I had lost ALOT of weight, ALOT!!! At the instance and prompting ( read as heckling!) of my maternal uncle Ossie, in Trinidad, who spoke to me, who made me realize that I could do anything I wanted, who made me see that I did not have to accept or put any limitations on myself, and most imporant of all, who paid me for every kilo I lost ( that was actually the best part!); I had dropped over 30kg!!!
Note: Three other times after this my weight went up to over 100kg ( pregnancy related Lol!), the last being seven years ago, and using the same self motivating methods I lost the excess weight!

We do not have to accept our current situations in life if we are unhappy about them. There's an old saying that " By The Yard It's Hard; But Inch By Inch, Anything's A Cinch!" And Brian Tracy says " The Best Way For You To Eat A Large Frog Is For You To Take It One Bite At A Time." Procastination is not only a killer of dreams, it is a killer of the essence of man himself. No matter how difficult the task ahead may seem, resolve to begin to tackle it today, one tiny step at a time.

When I decided to lose weight, I went out and bought a few outfits in my desired and anticipated size! I used to look at these clothes regularly and envisage myself in them. I use this visualization process for anything I truly want, and it works for me! We must remember that everything starts with a dream, but it will remain just that if not followed by a decisive written plan, a strategy and action! Direction is central to success, as is knowing what you want, and this is where many people are going wrong. There has never been a time such as this. A time where we are faced with a multitude of choices, which ideally should give us more options and ways to fulfil our dreams, but the opposite seems to be the case. Never before have people been so confused, impoverished and in constant debt. Why? And what can we do about this?
It goes back, ( and always will ) to these easy to accomplish Q.U.I.C.K steps:

1. Get a PIECE OF PAPER AND A PEN.

2. Translate your dream into easily definable, realistic, time bound, short term GOALS, that you can visualize.

3. Put these GOALS in writing.

4. Put these written GOALS in a place where you can refer to them everyday.

5. Do something everyday towards acheiving your GOALS.

6. Do not be afraid to share these GOALS with people you can trust to be supportive.

* BEWARE: DREAM KILLERS ARE EVERYWHERE. They are those people that tell us it cannot be done. Those who tell you you want too much, or that you want it all. They could be friends, family or even total strangers! You have to be careful that they do not influence your thinking. Because sharing your dreams is an important part of making them real, you really need to protect your dreams and keep them safe! Look for DREAM BUILDERS; Positive and successful people, who will encourage and guide you!

Having it ALL does not mean having it all at once. It takes time. Start small, no matter your age, and concentrate on TODAY. This slow accumulation will one day make a difference! What you are going to be tomorrow, you are becoming TODAY!!

And never, ever forget;

' You CAN Do It!'

" The Illiterate Of The 21st Century Will Not Be Those Who Cannot Read And Write, But Those Who Cannot Learn, Unlearn, And Re-learn."

And Barcelona Are The New Champions!

2009-05-28T05:18:00.000-07:00

His temperature was just slightly over thirty-nine degrees. The results from the test he took showed a high incidence of malaria parasites in his blood. As he sat, huddled, cold, slightly delirious, beside me yesterday night, I was pretty worried, as any parent would be.

' The Elephant Never Gets Tired Of Carrying It's Tusks. '- Liberia

We call Majid, my first son, a horse. He never gets sick, and even when he is not feeling well he pushes it back, and out of his system, something he learned from me. In fact our doctor in Lagos asked a few years ago, if she could conduct a study on Majid and I, since despite having bloodtype AA ( I'm no medical expert, so you must forgive any mistakes in my terminology ), we had never had malaria ( up till Tuesday, touch wood). So, my concern can only be imagined, when two days ago, early in the morning, he knocked on our bedroom door, and in a raspy voice, said " Mummy I don't feel too well ", and collapsed on me. We rushed him to the doctor, and 'they said', it was malaria, they gave him some injections, medication, and all those things they give to mosquito victims!

' What You Do Not Recognize As Deadly Will Not Kill You. ' - Uganda

Ok, let's see how all this ties in with Barcelona being the new UEFA Champions! Last night I decided to watch the Finals, I am not a football expert, nor even a fan, but I was very aware that Manchester United was playing against Barcelona, and here is why; Maj and I share a common lecturer, ( we are both Law students in the same university ), I am in my third year, and he is in his first. Anyway, this gentleman, who shall remain nameless, and clueless about this post, I hope.. lol, is a SERIOUS Man U fan, and whatever happens to Man U, affects us all, so you can now understand why, with our end of semester exams coming up, I decided to stay up and 'pray' for the Cup to end up in England!

' The Haughty Blind Person Picks A Fight With His Guide. ' - Ethiopia

So here we are in front of the T.V, Tom, Majid (he insisted he could watch), and I. The first ten minutes was fantastic, in fact Man U was playing so well, that I was tempted to go ahead and text our lecturer a congratulatory message! Anyway, I decided to get up to get a drink, when I heard Majid croaking...I shot to my feet, and rushed to his side...he was saying, " ggg "..." gggoo "..." gggoooaaall!! " I said, " who...what...where...???" And truly, when I turned to look at the T'V, Samuel Eto'o of Barcelona had scored the first goal of the match. Tom didn't even see it, but I guess he was distracted by my.....( I know you all want to know by my what...but I'm not telling!! )

' Home Affairs Are Not Talked About In The Public Square! ' - Kenya

From that point on everything changed. Man U slacked, lost an early advantage and never got back into the game, the rest as they say is history ( a very different history from the one that they, Man U, had anticipated making )...and that leaves us with one very angry lecturer to contend with! However, watching that match last night was a real eye opener for me. I learned so many things, and came to the realization that, we can learn so much from everything we do, whether it's in our leisure time or otherwise.

' The Possessor May Become The Dispossessed. ' - Kenya

Men are so into football these days, but I wonder how many people 'see' beyond the game. Oh oh, here she goes again...must she take everything so seriously ? Can we not just sit down and watch a good game without being reminded of 'Planning', 'Succeeding', and worst of all 'GOAL Setting' ? Well the answer is yes, you can, but while watching other people kick around a ball, and making millions of dollars in the process, check out the similarities between 'The Beautiful Game' and Life, and while you're doing that, apply some of the rules, which all men know so well ( they're ALL experts! ) , to your own game...The Game Of Life!

' An Old Woman Is Uneasy When Dry Bones Are Mentioned In A Proverb. ' - West Africa

Think about this for just a few minutes;

1. Most men carefully plan, where and with whom they are going to watch a game. The more important the match, the more detailed the plans, and this they do in advance.
2. All football lovers, especially the males, know the rules, and more...they read up on it, brag about it, and speak about it, at any opportunity.
3. Men are very loyal to their teams. It doesn't matter if they win or lose, they always keep hope alive and talk about 'a next time', or 'another season.'
4. Men focus their whole attention on the game, they are very difficult to distract at this time, except for maybe Tom....
5. No matter their current condition or position (remember Majid and the malaria ), their interest never wanes.
6. Football fans exhibit the craziest optimism, I have a friend who is an Arsenal fan, and I believe his motto must be 'No Retreat No Surrender', and thus in the face of sure defeat, they still boast, gamble, and hope for victory!
7. Many people brag about how many years they've supported a club. They know the
history of the players, how much they are worth,to the last cent,they can even speculate on where they will move to, and how much they will be paid!

' An Abundance Of Food At Your Neighbour's Will Not Satisfy Your Hunger. ' - Central Africa

I could list a hundred more things to reflect on, but I won't. But, what I will ask you to do is this; substitute the word 'Football' with 'Life'. What you will find out is that alot of people do the exact opposite from what they do with football, where their lives are concerned. They do not plan, lack passion, do not know their own value, do not project their next moves, do not know the rules needed to achieve, and generally are disloyal to themselves! Does this mean that the results of a game are more important than your success in life? Does this mean that people are more interested in football, than in life itself? Think about it!

On the other hand there are the very positive aspects of the game, and the spooky similarities with life.

1. Football (Life) is a competitive game.
2. You either win or lose.
3. You must play by the rules, and when you don't there are sanctions, some that might even get you sent out of the game for life.
4. All eyes are always on the goalpost.
5. Failure to keep your eye on the ball can cost you.
6. Some players are better than others, and this is usually either as a result of discipline, practice, and or natural abilities that have been developed.
7. If you're on the bench, you're not in the game, no matter how good you may be.
8. You need to be part of a team to succeed.
9. The more cohesive the team, the more their chances at success.
10. Sometimes the fans want victory more than the players themselves,this usually results in failure (Nigerian national team - A Case Study!)
11. Practice counts. Practice, Expertise and Skills are everything!
12. There are certain techniques and methods which when practised guaranty success.
13. The game is getting better and better, the stakes keep rising.
14. Victory is sweet! ' Tous Les Monde Aime Une Gagner! '( All the world loves a winner )
15. Spectators pay to watch footballers make money ( that's my favorite part! )
16. There is alot of money in the game, but you must be a player, one way or the other.

' I Can't Do It Never Yet Accomplished Anything. I Will Try Has Performed Wonders! ' - Will Rogers

Well people, if I say You Can Do It, am I encouraging some of my over 40, 'shot in the knees' friends, to go and play professional football??? Why not....just joking lol! No, that is not what this is about. This is about setting goals for yourself, proceeding to intelligently follow through, and subsequently, win the Game...your Game, this Game called Life! Remember the goal you want to reach is that which you've set for yourself. This is personal. You don't have to prove anything to anybody but you, but this should not be used as an excuse not to try! Do something towards achieving your goals today!!

' Rising Early Makes The Road Short! ' - Senegal

And Yes; 'You Can Do It!'

Congratulations Barcelona, on a game well played, and a victory well earned!!

Locating The G-Spot ! !

2009-05-10T03:04:00.000-07:00

The G-Spot is not a myth. It is a term used to describe the area of the female v***** that might contain an errogeneous zone, which when stimulated leads to high levels of sexual arousal and powerful o****** . It was first described by a gynecologist from Berlin in 1950, called Ernst Grafenburg, but it wasn't until the late 1970's when new research corroborated his findings, that the term, named after him, became famous.

So where is it? How can you master it? And finally, what can you do with it!!!
Somehow I feel I have your attention at this point Lol..halleluyah!! Ok guys be patient, I am going to answer, even though I know that you all probably know already...but before I reveal my 'findings', let us talk about one spot that arouses me, one spot that leads us to powerful... discoveries, that spot, which if understood, will take us to that 'zone' which many can only dream of...the 'X' Spot!!

'X' marks the Spot...and yes if you were all excited to read about the G-Spot, please be doubly excited about this! The X-Spot is not a myth. The X-Spot is the intersection where Opportunity meets Strategy, and it is equal to Success, though to the uninitiated it is refered to as Luck!!

Opportunity is defined, as a time when a particular situation makes it possible to do or achieve something; Strategy, as a plan that is intended to achieve a particular purpose; Success, as the achievement of something you want, or have been TRYING to do or get, and Luck...unfortunately the definition does not come up in my dictionary!

' Everything You Need Or Want Has A Way Of Showing Up As Soon As You Are Ready For It ', or as another person put it; ' Opportunity Doesn't Knock. You Knock And Opportunity Answers ', and yet another; '...Nothing Happens In Your Life Until You Make Something Happen.'

It is time to Move Up and Ahead, it is time to Break Through to the next level, never an easy task, but not to difficult either! All it takes is Planning (strategy), and Perseverance. Be ready for the opportunities that MUST come! Be clear about what you want, that way, you will be able to recognize it when it is upon you! Observe 'lucky' people that you know, and note what they did to get that way! Develop partnerships and alliances with others to improve your chances at success! Take Action today! As Harry Truman said 'A Pessimist Is One Who Makes Difficulties Of His Opportunities, And An Optimist Is One Who Makes Opportunities Of His Difficulties.'

I know you all, especially the men(...and women too,if truth be told!), are like...the 'G-Spot' Shade, the 'G-Spot'...so I will say this, if you can find the X-Spot, you can find the G-Spot too and vice versa, all you have to do is exert as much attention as you do on the one as the other!!

I will end this post with a few quotes that I love!

' A Man Who Misses His Opportunity, And A Monkey Who Misses His Branch Cannot Be Saved.'
' Success Always Comes When Preparation Meets Opportunity.'
' The Sure Way To Miss Success Is To Miss The Opportunity.'
' Small Opportunities Are Often The Begining Of Great Enterprises.'
' The Great Secret Of Success In Life Is For A Man To Be Ready When His Opportunity Comes.'
' Only A Medicine Man Gets Rich By Sleeping!'

Have a good week, and remember...'You Can Do It!' (Find the Spot, that is!!!!!)

' I Said, A Hip Hop The Hippie...'

2009-04-24T22:06:00.000-07:00

Rapper's Delight was the first Rap song I heard in my life, and I loved it! It was back in the day...those good old days in Lagos, when music was music,(and every generation says this by the way) when I could dance, when life was simple...

We went to this party in Victoria Island, I must have been...oops, I was about to mention my age and I know some people have their calculators out...not that it matters! Anyway, they played this song and there were two friends of ours, good looking too, though everyone was fine then...or almost everyone, they had obviously rehearsed the lyrics, we later heard they brought the record from America when they went on holiday (no You Tube remember), anyway,these guys stood in the doorway,and when the DJ played this song,they just rapped and rapped and rapped alongside...I was tripped, and so was my little sister, Feyi...

It's no big deal to be at a party with your little sister, I guess...but this was a big deal, and I am going to tell you why... Feyi was kind of a pain, in those days. Like I've said before, we are four girls, I am the third, and the ages between the first three of us is close, but between Feyi and I, it's like a hundred years! If your adding machine is still out, and you know the year the song came out, and you also can guesstimate my age, then you all know Feyi was too young to be at this party. So...why was she there?

Before I give the details, you won't believe that I can't remember why I started writing this post...I know it has to be related to You Being Able To Do It, but since the gist is flowing, let me finish it first then I will try and remember...

Back to the party, and Feyi being there. At this point you all are wondering where my two other sisters were? They were also there, but they were, or pretended to be, quiet, gentle and generally good. Feyi, on the other hand was performing the duty she had been sent there to do by my Pop...

Having four girls could not have been easy for my father, especially as we were quite popular, so he devised a system so he could know what we were getting up to when we went out to parties, which in those days was not often, and always at the invitation of someone your parents knew or at least could check out. This system had my mother or himself chaufeurring us to and from the boogies, and Feyi...as the spy!
Her role was simple...we couldn't go to any parties without Feyi, and she in turn would watch who was dancing with who...if they turned off the lights and so on...she would then go back home and report to them, and get a pat on the back for a job well done...or so they thought!

Isn't it funny how even though you have been in a similar situation as someone else before you can forget how it feels. My parents had also been young, though in those days it didn't seem like it! They had also partied, or at least kind of, sang to Jim Reeves or whoever, and probably gotten up to all sorts. They must have had their own 'Feyi' in their respective families, and surely they devised a method to deal with the person...so why would it be any different for us?

I am not going to tell you how we got round Feyi, because we did, but I am going to tell you why we must be able to remember the past...to look back, and to apply those memories positively to current day situations.

Who are you mentoring today? When last did you take somebody outside your immediate family by the hand and agree to guide them? Have you looked back into your life lately to appreciate where you are coming from and compare it to where you are now? And most importantly is where you are now where you thought you would be at this age?

I have just remembered that it was Mentoring I wanted to write about, but It's All Good! I will leave that for another time...let's look at 'Are You Where You Thought You Would Be At This Age?'

Do this simple excercise, get a piece of paper, and write down if you can remember, the dreams you had when you were younger, let's say in your teens, when 'music was music'. What type of life did you imagine you would be living when you were your parents age (which is about now!)...are you living that life, and if not, why?

You need to re-assess your life today. You need to do a self audit. You need to get back on track. Now is the only time we know. It is never too late and it doesn't cost a penny. It starts with a thought, and thoughts are free! Change your thinking to change your life. You must succeed, because believe, it or not you owe it to your Creator, to your children, to your family, to your dependants, to all those who love you, and most of all to Yourself!

You CAN Do It!

What Goes Up Must Come Down...

2009-04-18T13:01:00.000-07:00

Physics was my worst subject when I was in secondary school in Nigeria.I did it from Form 3 to the first term in Form 5,before I was kindly'released',or advised as my father preferred to put it,or as I put it,kicked out of the class.
So if I didn't like it,and obviously didn't have the aptitude for it,why did I have to study it in school for two years...

My mother is from Trinidad,she got a scholarship when she finished school in Port of Spain,to study Physiotherapy at McGill University,Montreal,Canada.My father is from Nigeria,he got a scholarship after school in Nigeria to study Mechanical Engineering,also at McGill.They met,obviously,and they married..end of story right?No,just the begining actually,but that is for another day..back to Shade struggling in the physics class,and how it's related to their love story.

I am the third of four girls.The first two did all the right things,that is,they were school prefects,they were quiet,and most importantly...they were willing and able science students!

So where did I come from...that too is for another day!The long and short of it is, I dropped Physics five months to my exams,picked up Government,caught up with three years work in six months,and got an A1 in my O's..not bad for a blockhead...

However,over the years I realized that I had subconciously picked up alot of knowledge in my physics class...I also started being able to relate alot of the theories and laws to real life..it was only then that the subject began to make sense.

The Law of Gravity was my favorite..and not because I was so interested in it,but because our teacher always used to say'what goes up must come down!'In those days Biology was compulsory,I think,and that was slightly more interesting...with all the diagrams on anatomy...and so on..we could relate the law of gravity to the reproductive process..I need not say more!

There were all these laws...and we were taught that they were cast in concrete,and there were no exceptions to the rule,they were called Physical Laws.

Unfortunately,there was another set of laws,equally important,if not more so,that we were not studying in school,and that if we had,would probably have made a major difference to our lives... The Mental or Spiritual Laws.
Mental Laws or Spiritual Laws,as some people prefer to call them,and the Physical Laws together make up The Laws Of Nature.They are similar in that whether we believe them or not they are.It doesn't matter if a man falls from a ten storey building in China or in Burkina Faso,he will fall downwards...and hit the ground!

There are several Mental Laws:The Law of Attraction,The Law of Expectation,The Law of Control,The Law of Cause and Effect,The Law of Correspondence etc.
Alot has been written by different authors on these laws,and they are in fact the foundation of alot of religiously inspired teachings.

If this is so why then do most people not adhere to them in order to achieve their desired objectives?If what goes up must come down,as stated in the Law of Gravity,why is it difficult to believe that You Get What You Expect,and not neccessarily what you want,as stated in the Law of Expectation,or that You Are A Living Magnet,and you attract people and circumstances to you that are in line with your dominant thoughts,as stated in the Law of Attraction.

You are the most powerful transmission tower in the universe,and you must operate at a frequency that will bring everything you want to you!When you think positively,when you think about those good things that you want,when you become in tune,when you begin to focus your thoughts,you will become an energy magnet,and because all those things you want are made up of energy,they WILL be magnetically drawn to you!

The Law of Control says,you feel positive about yourself to the degree to which you feel you are in in control of your life,and you feel negative to the degree to which you feel you are not in control,or that you are controlled by some external force,person or influence.

Take control of your life NOW,empty your mind of old ideas and habits that are holding you back.Life is not a dress rehearsal.You owe it to yourself to be the best that you can be,and remember....

You Can Do It!

If It's To Be It's Up To Me!

2009-04-13T00:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was such a beautiful day,the sun was shining and yet there was a cool breeze blowing,which is not unusual as we live by the beach.

This morning, I was woken up by the sound of coconut trees flapping,dogs howling,internal doors slamming...a storm is fast approaching...another beautiful day! Anybody can relate to these extremes in the weather(especially if you live in London!),but not everyone can understand that it is synonymous with life.

Life means different things to different people.To some it is exciting,full of opportunities,a joy to be a part of,and yet to others it is boring,monotonous,stressful and sad...but it doesn't have to be this way...

I remember my late teens and early twenties,a period when it is not unnatural to rebel,a period where everyone is to be blamed for all your travails...except you.

I remember feeling so angry and helpless.Other people's behaviour and decisions seemed to determine my reactions,my choices,my life...it wasn't fun,and it got me thinking...and think I did.

That was when my quest for the meaning and purpose of life began.That was when I began to wonder why some people were more successful than others.That was when I realized that wealth and formal education were totally unrelated.That was when I realized that so many people were just going through the motions of living,but were barely alive.That was when I started to read....and read..and read.

Man has never had so much access to literature on Success,Wealth,Life,Happiness etc.,and yet man has never been so poor,so in debt,so at a loss for what to do...and yet it doesn't have to be like this...but it will be like this until you realize that;you are the architect of your own destiny,you are in the driver's seat of your life,that you determine your present...and your future!

If It's To Be It's Up To Me!

Yes,I know,I know..this is such a cliche!But what can I do about that, when it's so true?
Read it again..If It's To Be It's Up To Me!

What does this saying do?It empowers you immediately.It gives you control of you.It reaffirms the belief that God is not arbitrary.It gives you hope.It let's you know that nature is neutral.It means that you are a storehouse of potential waiting to be released.It means it is not too late,no matter your age,or your circumstance to become all that you can be!

I can hear some people already..'yes Shade, it's all well and good','there's a recession','I live in England,it's not easy',I live in America,the system','I live in Africa,there's corruption,famine...'

These are age old excuses,and if you take the time to check,similar excuses have been made since before biblical times!

Start today!Take the following steps,and you will be on your way to the life you were meant to live!

*Get a pen and a piece of paper and write down all the things you want right now.Make sure you write them in the present tense,and put today's date on it.You must write,do not do it in your head!Do it today!
For example, 'I own a beautiful house in Tobago,by the beach',try and cut out a picture of such a house,and put it where you can see it!Trust me,it works!

*Write down where you are now,and what you need to get where you want to be.Do not be afraid to write,even if you don't have a red cent now!

*Determine something on your list that you can do today,even if it's only to read up on the Internet on a particular subject,and do something everyday towards attaining your goals.Once you start nature will rise up and come to your aid in ways you might not right now be able to envisage!

*Determine to think and speak only in positive terms.Keep away from negative people,negative news,and negative situations.Make a concerted effort to do this!

*Focus on what you have,and what is surely coming to you!

*Read!Read!Read!Read up on successful people,read articles on positive thinking,just keep reading and believe....

Whether the sun is shining or rain is falling in your part of the world right now does not matter,what matters is your attitude towards it.One way or the other it's a beautiful day!It just depends on how you decide to look at it...and the same goes for life.

Hold on firmly to the steering wheel of your life,take control and remember....

You Can Do It!